There has been a hiatus in the headline-making process between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard for the past week, but as we prepare for the second week of testimony, I know I’m not the only one to have seen a worrisome trend online.
If you’re anything like me, you followed the process as closely as possible. And while I expect articles and summary videos to appear on social media, I’m shocked at the number of posts and comments I’ve seen, largely in support of one side while the other is mocked and ridiculed. And I’m not the only one who sees that.
Regardless of your opinion on the trial, my colleague Alia E. Dastagir spoke to experts about the danger of turning an alleged victim of domestic violence into a villain:
The loudest voices on the internet may not believe Heard. But millions of women experience what she describes. When people mock her, experts say they inadvertently laugh at any person who claims to be a victim of abuse. The 1 in 4 women who have experienced intimate partner violence watch, listen, and weigh the cost of speech.
“In the commentary, it’s almost like people forget that this is real life, that this isn’t a show that we all watch,” said Laura Palumbo, communications director at the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. “Many victims of domestic violence and sexual assault will at some point enter a courtroom and have an experience largely beyond their control in a setting like this.”
Experts say the public response to the defamation lawsuit triggers survivors and perpetuates stereotypes that cloud the cultural conversation about domestic violence, which still hasn’t had its #MeToo moment. They suspect the case will help to silence victims who worry they are not believed.
Click here to read Alia’s full story.
The Dangers of Dating as an Asian-American Woman
In honor of Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month, my colleague Jenna Ryu explored the dangers of dating as an Asian-American woman, including the fetishization that can come with it. Here’s an excerpt from her story:
For centuries, Asian-American women have faced a lose-lose situation regarding desirability: they are either labeled as undesirable by Eurocentric beauty standards or assume that fetishization is flattering. But like racial violence and discrimination, the sexualization of Asian women can have dangerous – even deadly – consequences.
“The idea that Asian women are desirable and exotic and passive isn’t just an innocent stereotype or a desirable trait to be jealous of,” said Nancy Wang Yuen, a sociologist and author of “Reel Inequality.” “The downside of that is that they then become the target of hatred, sexual violence and physical violence when they are not seen as fully human and deserve the right to be safe.”
With the rising popularity of Asian pop culture in America (as evidenced by critical praise for Pixar’s “Turning Red” and Netflix’s “Squid Game”), people seem more open-minded and appreciative. But not everyone has good intentions.
“In my experience, the people who make these comments (fixed on race) aren’t really interested in (me),” said Karina Chan, a 23-year-old from the Bay Area. “They just want to flirt with an Asian woman. The feeling of being treated like a body that needs to be conquered makes this kind of attention so repulsive.”
To read Jenna’s full article, click here.
My partner hates my friends. What should I do?
As an adult, maintaining relationships can be challenging enough without friends not liking their partner.
But what if our significant other doesn’t like our friends? Sara Kuburic, the millennial therapist, explains that it happens and is okay.
She says it’s unrealistic to expect your partner to like him as much as you do. And while it can complicate social gatherings, it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are a few tips:
To make small talk. Ignoring a problem or concern is rarely helpful. So talk about it. Instead of immediately becoming defensive, concerned, issuing ultimatums, or rushing for solutions, become curious and take the time to listen to your partner.
Set a limit. Even if your partner doesn’t like your friend, it can be helpful to set limits on how your significant other talks about them. Making sure your friends are always discussed with respect can be a valuable boundary to avoid unnecessary conflict or hurt feelings. There is no reason for your partner to use demeaning or disrespectful language when speaking about the people you care about.
Take the tension. If the dislike is tangible, it may be time to address it with your friend and partner (separately). Sharing your feelings and thoughts can help them become more aware of how their behavior affects you and how to move forward. Of course, we cannot control or force anyone to associate with each other, but we can suggest some simple ways for them to make peace. Remember, give them some time and a chance to change their dynamics.
Click here to read the full list of advice.
Today’s Lectures
Today’s pet
Meet Kirby (8 weeks old) and Chester (2 years old).
“(They) are already best friends,” wrote reader Laura Hildebrand. “They play together and cuddle together all day!”
If you’ve been reading newsletters for a long time, you might remember that we first met Chester in February 2021 when Laura took the floppy-eared gentleman home as a comforting pandemic puppy. We look forward to seeing him grow up! And Kirby has to be one of the cutest puppies I’ve ever seen – what an adorable couple!
